so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
