Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
