Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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