My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
