I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
