didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
