I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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