sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
