wat bout pragnant strippers??
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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