I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
