I think my fart just growled at me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
