trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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