How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
