you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
