I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
