Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
