Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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