Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
