Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize