paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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