3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
