I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
