Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
