i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
