I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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