Don't you send me to vm
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
