he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
organizing the empties. That sober.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
