Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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