I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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