Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
