dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
