Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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