it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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