I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
