four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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