Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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