I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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