so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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