i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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