In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
