ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
