I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
