im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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