you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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