can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
