I only kidnapped one of them. chill
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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