When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
love makes seman taste better
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
