I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
