just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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