I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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