So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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