Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
