so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
