bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
