i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
