dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
